It’s About Time

Thank God that Amanda is feeling better though there is this fever that still refuses to go away. The cheeky streak in her resonates loudly that she is back in business.  Of course Jismyl faces challenge of authority tonight once again when Amanda refuses to sleep after one hour of struggle. Finally Amanda lose the battle.  But not for long, for she got up less than half hour grinning away when Jismyl came into the room.  This time the struggle is not as intense as the earlier session.  

I pray to God that I will depend greatly on Him to be a good father for His name’s sake.  She is a precious thing and I know I lack sadly the patience oft times to be a great dad. Growing up without a proper father role does hinder somewhat. Nonetheless it is not an impossible though daunting task. Without Him I can do nothing.  

This Christmas marks another interesting milestone in our lives. We have Amanda in our lives.  She is a blessing as well as a challenge.  This Christmas is also the second time that Jismyl missed church.  Amanda is sick with gastric flu and fever. We didn’t know until later when Daniel diagnosed her at his clinic.  

This is a new experience for both of us as new parents. It’s been so long since I was involved in any children thing. Never even heard of gastric flu growing up taking care of my nephews and nieces.  Goes to show how long it’s been since I’ve played or taken care of a toddler.  Thank God nothing serious has transpired.  Tonight will be a challenging one seeing we need to keep time and watch over Amanda.  

Time  whizzed us by this year.  Didn’t expect Amanda to be here so quickly but God’s blessing cannot be determined by our level of readiness.  We need His divine providence to guide us through.  

This has been a whirlwind of 3 weeks since Amanda joined us. We do notice her energy level as well as her pattern of behavior. I am praying that God will help me to be a good father. My fear is always to discipline in anger. Recently, Focus on the Family has a new video disc for disciplining kids. This is real timely with Amanda being here now. I want to do the right thing to help her grow to be a responsible individual.

Today’s the wedding of David and Jessie. We are grateful that they chose to invite us to witness their vows before God and the Church.  God has been good to them.  It was good to see many familiar faces as well.  

Back at this familiar setting brought back sense of sadness, and it becomes worse with the manner of exhortation presented before the crowd of witnesses. I hope it is my own sensitivity rather than inner grieving at the impropriety presented by the pastor, no doubt a good man.  A wedding is a sacred event in the lives of the couple as well as in the church. What makes a wedding Christian isn’t the location, nor the music. Alas, a good arrangement was marred by improper handling of sacred text and exhortation not matched by similar gravity. Nobody begrudged a humorous remark here and there.  But when the attendees appeared thinking it was a humorous funny event, then something is really amiss.  Anyway, I know I would not want to conduct a wedding like that.  

Changing subject.  Interesting that several commented that Amanda has some of my features, not realizing that she isn’t my own flesh and blood. Yet, we are delighted at such comments because it reminded us of God’s grace.

It has been a tiring week for both of us. Thank God for His grace and mercies.

The month of November zipped by very quickly. How do I summarized it? Shuttling to and fro to see Amanda. It appears that that’s our focal point for that month. Tiring it was but fulfilling in a sense because we know we are investing for future development. I’m thankful for what has transpired as a new facet of our lives as husband and wife has emerged – parents. Much to learn and much to depend on God for wisdom and directions.

This month is important in settling Amanda into her environment and for us to be able to quickly know her ’style’ so as to blend both parties into a synergism. Jismyl in particular has to work on her school project before the year is through. Prayerfully our house will be operantionally ready so that normacly can be established ASAP.

Lord we need your help in this matter. Guide us that we might learn to identify the vital few from trivial many.

Today we brought Amanda to the children’s hospital for the blood test regarding the count, thelassemia, etc. She was okay with the process except for the part where we have to hold her arms in locked position so that she would fidget around with a needle syringe inside her veins. That would be awful.

The doctor said that her development is on course, as her height and weight appear in the normal range. So that’s good to know. A new appointment would be made for January with all the results in (prayerfully).

One surprising thing is that nobody knows Amanda’s blood type! I’d think that this is a fundamental thing for all treating her to know! I mean, what if she has an accident (God forbid!) and needs transfusion of blood!

Time whizzes by very rapidly during the couple of weeks spent shuttling from east to west, and vice versa. We spent much time trying to connect and bond with Amanda. She is delightful, and her foster mom was helpful in sharing with us the girl’s like and dislike; sleeping habit; dietary habit etc.

Siva’s absence helped me gain much ground somewhat as the girl’s with him is very strong. However when he returned, things sort of return to ground zero for me. It was rather disappointing but realistically speaking, what can one expect from a girl who spent the developmental months of her first year bonding with the foster family? Realism is vital here to keep things in proper perspective.

We’ve spent time singing and playing with her. We talked with her constantly though personally I am tired (and tends not to want to talk because it is hard task. Her smiles and acceptance made it all worthwhile! Jismyl too has been delighted throughout.

Today marked the first mistake that Jismyl and I made in the care of Amanda. We underestimated the anxiety precious Amanda feels (at least I know I did!). She didn’t have problem going to sleep last night though she was ‘edgy’ throughout. Both of us didn’t really have a good sleep because she was ‘cryin’ in her sleep every now and then. When we check up on her, we realized that it was not her awakening and crying but it was her dreaming that did it.

Breakfast and waking up didn’t pose any problem. It was at church that things fell apart for Amanda. I supposed several factors contributed to it: a new environment; change of schedule; new faces. All these contributed to her anxiety. She even didn’t want to cling to me. Jismyl was her first resolve.

Later we went over to Jasline’s place. She slept for about an hour of so but was grouchy because she was awaken prior to her ‘quota’ of sleep. At church she showed signs of difficulty.

Came back home, she felt more relzed. Played somewhat but struggled against the idea of not going home. She waved gestures that we knew instinctly she is missing her foster family, especially foster mom. It took us a long while before the poor girl got tired out and slept.

It might ahve been a better idea if Jismyl not go to church today because it would give Amanda a week to get used to the idea that she isn’t going back to foster family any more. a new change has taken place. So the separation thing plus new faces altoghter freaked her out, i am sure.

We both agree that it would be better to bring her home after morning service so that even if she sleeps in the van on the way home, she would at least return to a constant factor in her life. Another new understanding that both of us arrived at was to NOT blame the other for collective decisions made. Because this only discourages the other from wanting to take ownership of the parenting process.

We both prayed asking for God’s wisdom to process this, and also to let Amanda sleep peacefully throughout the ngith. Alas, two mattresses with each piling on top of the other doesn’t help her. she rolled over and rudely awaken – twice! But thankfully went back to sleep very quickly.

Lord, how we need thee during this adjustment period. Most if not all the folks are not able to understand the challenges we go through as well as Amanda. For the latter, it is also a new learning experience for us to try to understand from her point of view. We just love her. God, help us to love her constantly, and allow you to be her Guardian and Protector.